But this Christmas was going to be different. My family has all moved out of town. My daughter and I, two poor college students really didn't have the funds to travel or to take off of work. And to make matters worse, my daughter was scheduled to work all day long on Christmas. So you can understand why I wasn't really looking forward to this Christmas. Oh I played it off and tried to make light of it. But the fact was, all of my family was gathering at one or the other of my sister's houses .... except me and the kiddo. It sucked. hard.
So I did what any rational person would do under the circumstance - I decided to check out of reality and go to the movies. Looking over the list of films at my local theater I picked the one that seemed most likely to give me a feel good ending. Philomena which seemed to be about a funny little woman who goes in search of the son she gave up for adoption years ago. That had to have a happy ending right? RIGHT? <sigh> I should probably warn you about spoilers ahead. The movie has what my friend Caroline would call a good ending, though not the one I was hoping for.
One thing you should know about me, movies have always been my life. My passion for movies is probably the greatest gift my mother ever gave me. I was in theater for years, have a degree in performing arts and even after I gave up on acting, movies were always my solace. Going to the movies was always my refuge from the world. I could find something to like about even the cheesiest movie. But the last couple of years, being back in school, I haven't had the time or money to go to the movies like I use to. At first it bothered me a lot, but then, I guess like the proverbial toad in the pot of hot water - I just got used to it.
So I figured treating myself to a morning at the movies, might just take the sting out of a sucky Christmas. But instead I found something I hadn't expected to find. And a lesson that really hit home on Christmas.
Five minutes into the movie I was bawling like baby. It's the story of Philomena, an Irish woman, who was forced to give up her child by the Catholic nuns as a teenager. A chance connection with a reporter leads her to search for her son. Just minutes into the movie, you're sucked into the story. The acting, the writing - all top notch. I don't want to give the whole plot away, but let me say, it was not what I expected. And that's a good thing.
Like anyone that has ever dabbled in acting on any level, I found myself viewing the movie from two perspectives, in awe of Judy Dench and her amazing performance. Enthralled at the way the story reveals the events of past and present and how they manage to make us care about a character who never appears on the screen in the present day.
But part of me was also deeply engaged in the story of this amazing woman and what she had been through. Her story isn't an isolated event, but one played out repeatedly in Catholic convents across Europe. What makes this story so powerful is her ability to forgive, to keep her faith in God despite the horror of what had been done to her. To look the nun, who robbed you of your last chance to meet your son and say, "I forgive you", takes an incredible human being. I wept at Philomena's amazing capacity to love and forgive. Philomena demonstrates the very best of what Christianity should be.
Christmas to me has always been less about marking the far off birth of some murky historical figure and more about reminding myself about the Christ light that shines within each and every one of us. To celebrate the rebirth of that Christ light - to me that's what being born again really means. That re-connection to the Christ within us is what I personally celebrate each December 25th.
And that's what happened to me today in that movie theater. On a day that I expected to be sad and bummed out, I was reminded of the strength of the human spirit. Philomena reminded me that true Christianity is always about forgiveness, for ourselves, for others - no matter how deeply we feel wounded.
But beyond that, I was given another gift - a reminder of a part of myself that's been dormant for a long time - my passion for the performing arts. I set that aside many years ago when I had my daughter - but today I realized that that part of me has never gone away, and never will as long as it's unfulfilled.
I'm not sure where that leaves me with regard to my current path in life. How do I reconcile that to the fact that I've spent the last year and a half going in another direction? I'm not entirely sure. But that light within me has been lit ....again - and I know that God, the Universe, whatever you want to call it, is giving me a signpost that I'm supposed to follow.
This may not have been the Christmas I hoped for, or the one I expected - yet it might just have been the most perfect one I never have asked for. Because out of the loneliness and sadness, I found a precious gift from the Universe: a lesson on faith and a call to the essence of my true self. And for that, I'm infinitely grateful.
