Musings on Marriage and other forms of Torture

Why is it that random strangers, or in my case - clients, seem to think it's perfectly acceptable to ask why I've never been married.    Am I George FREAKIN' Clooney?? Gah

I gave my client my standard smart ass answer,

"No I'm terribly claustrophobic!"

 That usually gets me a laugh and the subject gets dropped. But not this time.


This time my client smart assed right back and said, "I don't think that means what you think it means!"

"Claustrophobia: Fear of small confined spaces. Sounds like marriage to me!"

He laughed and then asked again, "WHY NOT?? WHY HAVE YOU NEVER?? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU LOSER??" Okay maybe I'm projecting on that last bit... but really it's the tone - The tone dammit!

But honestly why do people seem to think that it's weird that I've never been married?? Would I somehow be more successful if I had failed at marriage?

And they really freak out when I tell them that I have no interest in being married.

You'd think that I was Amy Farrah Fowler,

 "I find romantic love to be an unnecessary cultural construct that adds no value to human relationships." 

Oh wait... fuck... maybe I AM Amy Farrah Fowler. Cause seriously... whats the point?

I'm not against committed relationships... I've had a few. I love men... love sex with men. Neither of which required me to be married. Nor was marriage required for me to have and raise an absolutely amazing kid.

I've just never really seen the value of a piece of paper - either you mean it or you don't. Guys that mean it, don't need a piece of paper. Guys that don't mean it won't suddenly be faithful because of a piece of paper. So what's the point?

Which I guess makes me sound a bit cynical. But really I'm not.  I actually have great faith in men - which is why the paper just ever seemed like that big of a deal.

But the real truth is there have always been a dozen other things that seemed more important to me - things that seemed like they'd be a million miles away if I had someone else I had to take into consideration.

When my kid goes off to college I'm going to do the traveling I've always dreamed of, I'm going to be a beach bum for a while, or maybe work on a cruise ship.  Maybe I'll  finally have that acting career I've always wanted.

And the next time a client asks about my marital status I'll just tell him,

"I find MARRIAGE to be an unnecessary cultural construct that adds no value to human relationships"


Which is FUCKING hilarious considering the hours I've spent fighting for my gay friends to have marriage equality... but I guess the point is about giving them the choice... even if it's the choice not to be married.


Then they can field all the questions about why they aren't married. Cause I'm done answering them.

So John Edwards has been found not guilty on one count and mistrial on the other 4 counts. I have to say that I'm kind of relieved. Don't get me wrong, I think he's a lying dirty dog. I hate ... and I mean red hot lobster hate what he did to his wife. I'm completely disappointed in him as a politician and ...well as a human being.

That said.... 30 YEARS??? are we insane?? Cold blooded murderers don't get that sort of time. I think this whole case has been a huge waste of time and energy. Money that could have easily been used for something more useful. Take his legal license and be done with it.

  

Here's another one of my school essays. This essay was about learning to analyze an image, a video or a movie. I chose the most recent video released by Not On Our Watch about the situation in the Nuba Mountains.


Behind the Front Lines in the Nuba Mountains

            In July of 2011, southern Sudan seceded and the

 Republic of Southern Sudan came into being. But what should have ended the conflict between the two parts of Sudan instead was the catalyst for another round of genocide, much like that which occurred in Darfur. The president of Sudan, Omar al Bashir, has systematically tried to wipe out all non-Arab ethnic groups in the region. When South Sudan seceded his next target became the villagers of the Nuba Mountain region who had supported the creation of Southern Sudan. Using air bombings and rebel soldiers, he has driven the Nuba people out of their villages and into caves in the mountains. Not content to simply force them out and terrorize them, he has blocked all forms of International aid to the region. He has effectively doomed them to starvation and a slow painful death, should they survive the military actions. In protest for these attacks, the Republic of Southern Sudan has discontinued pumping oil which the North needs for its refineries.

The conflict between Sudan and Republic of South Sudan is not merely an isolated situation, with no impact on 1^st world nations. From a purely political standpoint the issue of oil and its availability is of great importance to all nations. The disruption of the Sudanese oil industry forces the Chinese government to seek out oil in the open market, thereby reducing the availability to the rest of the world. It has been postulated that the recent unexpected price increases at the gas pump are, in part, related to the situation in Sudan.

Beyond the pragmatic issue of oil, can we as a society stand by watching the annihilation of an entire group of people? What does that say about our culture and our so called humanity that we chose to look away as such atrocities occur?  What is happening in the Nuba Mountains is no less than the calculated genocide of an entire group of people by the government which should protect and aid them. Instead, their government has driven them from their  homes, isolated them in the mountains, forced them to live in caves and blocked the efforts of any international aid. The area is categorized by the Famine Early Warning Systems Network as being in stage 4 – just one phase short of a famine designation. And still, no outside aid is being allowed to enter the region.

 The organization Not On Our Watch has attempted to leverage the enormous fascination our society has with celebrities into a spotlight on international causes. In this particular video, actor and activist George Clooney visits the Nuba region to view the destruction and utter desolation that the citizens endure daily and in doing so, allows us to witness this horrific tragedy as it unfolds.

The video shows the stark reality of the daily struggle to survive for the Nuba Villagers. We get a glimpse of the caves they now call home as well as the visible marks of bombs which came too close for comfort. There are bombs which lie unexploded in the dirt, with only shrubbery and a chalk circle to warn of the potential danger.  The people speak in aching detail of the pain and fear they experience daily and their frustration with the seemingly endless situation.

The video is filled with many powerful moments which illustrate the plight of the villagers. Such as the young boy who has just lost both of his hands in a bombing raid. Another scene shows us a boy who has just had surgery in the most primitive of conditions. He stoically lies on a cot, refusing to cry as we are shown the bullet that was removed from his body. The viewer is left wondering what the future holds for these two young boys and how they will survive the seemingly insurmountable odds. 

There is one image which for me is the most powerful and makes me weep. It is that of a young woman whose body is scarred all over with what we now understand to be bullet wounds. As she sits there, it is so clear how hard her life has been, the pain and horror that she’s experienced is etched into her body with ragged angry scars. And yet, she sits there with so much dignity and strength. On her lap sits a beautiful young child – a child that is clearly loved and adored and I find myself wondering if he’ll survive. The content of this one image haunts me with the story it tells. This woman clearly fights to hold on to her dignity even when she seems to have so little; a simple dress, a simple necklace, a beautiful child and a quiet strength that leaves me in awe. 

The image of this amazing woman is framed by the caves which have become her home and sanctuary from the relentless bombing. It’s a tragic reminder of how small her world has become, how hard and unforgiving are the circumstances that surround her. Visually the image’s composition keeps you anchored in her reality: the caves, and the rocks she now calls home. She is centered in the shot, making her the focal point of this one moment in time, when she can speak of her frustration, anger and uncertainty. Pinned to her dress is some sort of red flower, but it’s almost impossible to look at the flower and not see the scars which cover her chest. Once again driving home the pain this woman has endured. Clooney, as her interviewer appears briefly in the corner of shot, but it’s clear that she and her story are the focus.

Behind her lies the darkness of the cave, perhaps a metaphor for the darkness which engulfs her life. Periodically a ray of light comes through, hopefully also a metaphor of better times to come. The primary texture of the scene comes from the hardness of the rock and it is a texture which represents so much. It is the hardness of the life they lead, the barren existence they now deal with; but perhaps also the determination these villagers share to survive and overcome the tyranny which has forced them to the caves.

The organization’s credibility, and by extension the video’s credibility, is established by various methods. The website for Not on Our Watch is packed with historical data and information describing the nature of the conflict between Sudan and South Sudan. It also supplies documentation showing their work with various world organizations such as Unicef and even meeting with President Barak Obama. The video continues to build on this credibility by briefly explaining the conflict as well as interviews with the victims and even rebel military leaders.  If there is possibly one flaw in the credibility of the video it is unfortunately the one thing which will likely bring the most viewers. That is the presence of George Clooney. Though he has been dedicated to the cause of the Sudanese people since 2007 there are those who would dismiss him as a dilettante. Perhaps in an effort to combat that perception, Clooney takes on the role of observer, asking questions and letting the visuals and the subjects make his case.

The emotional appeal, or pathos, is clearly present in the stories of the various victims of the bombings.  In image after image we are shown the unimaginable horrors these villagers experience daily.  It is difficult to imagine that anyone could see these images of human beings living in such abject conditions and not be moved. The tears of the young woman as she pleads her case will stay with me forever and I know that I will always wonder what became of her and her child.

The video’s primary goal is to raise awareness of this crisis and to hopefully move people to demand change. It does not seem to have a specific or defined political agenda beyond raising awareness. The logic of the video is simply that this is a crisis of humanity. We cannot look away or ignore it any longer and that something must be done. To that end, I believe that this video is extremely effective. It shows the world the horrific conditions which exist today and lays bare the inhumanity of the genocide which is occurring. It reminds us not to ask for whom the bell tolls, because as always, it tolls for us, for our brothers and sisters, and especially for a beautiful sad woman in a simple dress.

 So a good friend wanted to read some of what I wrote for Comp I and another who did read it, told me it was really good and I should "get it out there". Well she's one of my closest friends - so I'm not sure I totally buy that (j/k Donz!) But I figured I'd put this sadly unused blog to some good use and "get it out there". Here's one of the essays I wrote for Comp.

Academic Argumentative Essay: Marriage Equality

    When the Supreme Court of Massachusetts declared that, "the state failed to identify any constitutionally adequate reason to deny gay persons the right to marry." the battle for marriage equality began in earnest. Each side of the debate is equally passionate about their beliefs and their stand on the issue. 

    One one side, you have those who believe strongly that gay marriage has no place in this country. They believe that marriage is between a man and a woman, a biblical union designed for procreation and that belief takes precedence over all laws. Their point of view is best verbalized by presidential candidate, Rick Santorium, "I don't want to believe in an America where separation of Church and state is absolute." They believe that legalizing gay marriage will denigrate the sanctity of marriage, and lead to a slippery slope where immorality will become the rule of land. In the words of one right wing conservative, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, "if we allow men to marry men, people will then want to marry their toaster!"

    On the other side of the issue are those who believe with equal ferocity that religion should have no place in setting laws and that ultimately it is a civil rights issue. By denying some citizens the ability to marry the partner of their choice and enjoy all the encompassing rights and privileges that come with marriage; we are denying them their inalienable rights guaranteed in the constitution. I believe that time will ultimately prove them right, that the principles of our constitution will ultimately trump the religious beliefs of those that wish to block marriage equality. 

   The issue of gay marriage is ultimately an issue of fairness. The legal institution of marriage provides approximately 1,049 benefits and protections to married couples such as: 

• Being named guardian for an incapacitated spouse
• The rights of survivor benefits upon the death of a veteran spouse. 
• Numerous inheritance right, including priority in inheriting property of a spouse who dies without a will. 
• The right to 59 distinct federal tax deductions available to those  filing as married. 

   As it stand as this time committed gay and lesbian couples even those who have been together for decades, have no guarantee that their legal wishes will be honored in their death. The fact that a gay partner can be banned from being at the deathbed of their long time  partner because they are not "legally" wed is a travesty that this country must correct. 

   There are some that say that the majority of American's are against gay marriage and while that premise is highly questionable - so what if it is true? Do the rights and beliefs of the majority trump the rights of a minority? Our country is not only a Democracy but a constitutional Democracy. The result of that is that it is designed to express the will of the people and simultaneously protect the rights of minorities. Our ancestors fled to these shores for exactly that purpose. They came to have freedom of religion as well as freedom from the religion of others.  Historically, we have always balanced the will of the majority with the rights of the minority. Had we waited for the majority of Americans to believe in equality for African Americans this country would never have moved forward with dismantling the racist laws which existed. 

  

   The most commonly cited reason for being against gay marriage is religion. They believe that homosexuality is a sin. One of the strongest advocates for this line of thinking is Kirk Cameron, actor and evangelical advocate. In his words, "I believe that homosexuality is unnatural, it's detrimental ad ultimately destructive to so many of the foundations of civilizations. I believe that marriage was defined by God a long time ago as one man and one woman till death do you part. So no, I do not support gay marriage." Mr. Cameron's logic is flawed on so many levels. While an absolute genetic link has not yet been discovered many scientists  believe it will be proven to be genetic not "a choice." Furthermore homosexual behavior is commonly found in nature, among birds, mammals, and primates. It's hard to claim that a behavior is "unnatural" when it is practiced spontaneously by animals in the wild. 

   As to the claim that marriage was defined by God, that definition is not located in the Bible anywhere. In fact, most men in the Bible, particularly in the old Testament had more than one wife. Even more disturbingly, the Bible and Paul specifically, also advocate slavery and the subjugation of women, ideas which have long passed from favor i modern society. To hold fast to one antiquated belief system while simultaneously rejecting other, is not only hypocritical, but also blatantly biased and prejudiced. 

   The exact meaning of various passages can and will likely be debated for eternity, but ultimately that's irrelevant. Because as long as we live in a country that protects our freedom of and from religion we cannot legislate based on the religious principles of one group - even if that group is the majority. 

   Ultimately, all arguments against gay marriage fall apart in the face of one single fact. This country is based on protecting and preserving the inalienable rights of all it's citizens. Marriage equality is a civil rights issue. A segment of our population is being denied their civil rights, rights that a majority of Americans freely and happily enjoy and that cannot be allowed to continue.