Of Empty Nests and Launching Pads...

   Last week my daughter took that pivotal walk across the stage, the one that starts as a little girl and ends as a high school graduate - diploma in hand and one foot out the door. It would be a lie to say that I didn't get emotional; like most parents there, I was acutely aware that an invisible line had been crossed and things would never be the same.  But under that sadness there was another feeling bubbling up - one that will probably get me branded a horrible mother of the worst kind. 

   Because under that sadness was a feeling of excitement - that same feeling I get waiting at the airport for the call to board. There is a huge adventure waiting for us and I can't wait to see where it takes us, separately and together. As if a huge reset button has been pressed, everything is about to change in our lives.

   My daughter was not planned but none the less she was and is the greatest gift I've ever been given. If raising my daughter is the only thing I accomplish in my life, I will still feel like a winner. Every detour my life took and every sacrifice I made, paid off in ways beyond my wildest dreams; my daughter is an amazing young woman and I am so proud of her. I wasn't a perfect parent - none of us are-, but most days I did give the very best I could. And that's why I feel good about where we've arrived- this fork in our road.  

    She leaves for college exactly 9 days after she turns 18. She will be living in the dorms at a fabulous school, learning to navigate a life without me, making decisions that will determine her entire future. She'll be making friends with new people - people I won't know and maybe never will. There will be huge chunks of her life, that are hers and hers alone. I will no longer be a player in her daily life but merely an observer.  I have no idea what my daughter will end up being as a grown up. She's a talented, smart and beautiful person; the world is literally her oyster. She's also hard-headed, challenging and outspoken. It will be to amazing to see her pull all these things together to create the life of her dreams. 

   As for me, I have my own adventure to attend to. I'm back in school, planning on chucking the career I've had for over 20 years now for a new one. One that has yet to take shape or even a clear cut title. But I'm sure that the perfect new career is out there waiting for me, even if I have to create it. 

  I've come to the realization that I desperately want to travel. So many places call my name and I'm going to visit each and every one of them. I want to live like a nomad - my home carried on my back and in the chambers of my heart. I want to meet interesting new people and have fabulous adventures.

  So when I hear people talk about the dreaded "empty nest", I understand what they mean- I just don't see it the same way. I look at the future and see not an empty nest but a launching pad. I see my daughter and I taking flight into our new lives, entering this new phase with joy and anticipation. I'm sure we'll have moments of looking back over our wings; but wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, my daughter is always going to be in my heart. I look forward to the day when we've moved beyond being simply parent and child to being true friends. Because I can't imagine anyone more amazing to be friends with than my daughter. 

  Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a launch to prepare for... 

What Exactly is Success?

    Someone, who is almost as smart as I am, asked me to define success recently. It started me pondering yet another one of those "meaning of life" questions. You know the questions... the ones that have you contemplating whether your entire existence has been an exercise in futility, or whether the road not taken was the one that you actually should have been on. Meaning of life questions inevitably take you all the way down to your core beliefs, they force you to examine what you really truly believe, and whether you are in fact living up to those things you say you believe in. Because the truth is, if you're not actually acting on said beliefs, - then how strongly do you really believe?

 And thus began my exploration into the meaning of success :  what does it mean to me, and am I living up to said beliefs. As always, I reached for my handy dandy dictionary for that first attempt at defining something so complex it eludes actual definition. While it would have been nice to see my picture next to the word success - alas the answers were not going to be so easy... 

Merriam-Webster defines success as: A degree or measure of succeeding; A favorable or desired outcome ; Also attainment of wealth, favor or eminence.  

The synonyms are: blockbuster, megahit, smash, hit, supernova and winner. 

   Isn't there some rule against defining a word with a variation of itself? How is that an answer? And look at those synonyms! Is it any wonder many of us come to the conclusion that money is the true measure of success? Or that somehow being a success means being famous? 

    I mean the Kardashians are famous but is that really success? Is all the money they have truly success? Certainly an argument could be made that they are successful - they have all the trappings of wealth: they have stuff,  they have money, they have freedom from worrying whether the electricity is going to get turned off. They can travel - which is something I admit makes me a bit jealous. But if that wealth is made off the back of your daughter's sex tape, is that really worth it? For me - the answer is a resounding no. No offense to Mama Kardashian, but I'm fairly certain I couldn't look myself in the mirror. Beyond the mere fact that they "made their G in a sleezy way" (man I still miss Tupac)  I believe in the concept of Karma.  Selling my child's dignity so my family could live in the lap of luxury comes with a bill that I wouldn't want to face. 

  So is wealth always bad? Of course not. There are plenty of wealthy people who have made fortunes ethically - I hope to be one of those myself. 
  
  But if I don't make that mad money - am I a failure? Does that invalidate my life's work? Van Gogh never saw a penny from his work, yet he is arguably one of the greatest painters of his era. (Not that I'm comparing myself to Van Gogh. I've so far managed to pay my bills and hang on to my ears) 

   At this point, I'd like to say that money does not equal success... but I know that some would heartily disagree. And I'm not sure that I believe it either. Money can be a great way to measure our success or how much others value our efforts. Money is an awesome reward for a job well done. You'll get no argument from me. But is it the only reward? 

  Aren't there things that are at least as important as money? If not more? What about happiness? or pride? or just pure love? How about just to make the world a better place? 

   Are the efforts of people like Mother Teresa, Gandi, or Martin Luther King without value? If people gave up because they couldn't monetize their passion, the world would have missed out on the works of  Johanness Vermeer, Edgar Allen Poe, Oscar Wilde, Franz Shubert, and Matthew Brady - just to name a few.  

 So it seems clear that money isn't the sole measure of success. Or at least it's not to me. 

    And there it seems, is the crux of the issue. Success, no matter how succinctly the dictionary manages to define it, is not a black or white easy answer. What is success to me, is not to another. 

    The garbage man who does his job, lives a happy life with a family who loves him is no less successful than the billionaire who travels the world and drives a Maserati. Oh I'm sure to some, on the surface, one is more successful than another - but if the garbage man is happy, if he's accomplishing the things he's set out to in his life - who are we to dispute his happiness? And the flip side of course, is that there is no guarantee that  the billionaire is truly happy either. Money doesn't buy happiness or love - it simply makes misery more comfortable and easier to numb. 

  We all have to decide for ourselves what true success is and go after it. In the end, that's what really matters. Did we truly pursue those goals we set? (Did we even have any goals?)  Did we give 100%? Did we use the talents we came here with to make the world (or at least our small piece of it) better? Are we going to leave this planet filled with regret at the things we didn't do? Or are we going to arrive at the end of this journey with a bucket list that's tattered, shredded and covered with check marks? 

  As the bell begins to toll on my daughter's childhood, I find myself at that place all parents eventually do - reinventing a life where she is no longer my primary purpose for existence. So often as parents, we make the choices that are in the best interest of our child - often at the cost of our own desires or needs. A couple of decades spent doing that, can leave you unsure of who you are outside the lens of  parenthood. So now I search to redefine myself, my goals, my desires and ultimately my definition of success. 

    I find that my need to be creative is beginning to trump all else. I'm still not entirely sure what that will look like, I am only certain there are worlds inside of me yet to be expressed - begging to have a voice. It's time. Perhaps it will be acting, art, writing or maybe all three. 

  Traveling is another priority on that bucket list.  For a long time, I've rebelled against a childhood of moving by staying planted in one spot. It's finally come to me, that in staying planted, I have scarred myself in ways that childhood never did. Now I want to move back out of the comfort zone, wake up in different places, meeting different people, and just be okay with wherever the tide takes me. 

 I've never felt a burning desire to get married and live the standard white picket fence existence. And no, it's still not happening (Sorry Dad!) But lately I've rediscovered the desire to be brave and open with my heart. To love recklessly, with abandon, giving no thought or care to the messy endings that often follow. I want to trust unquestioningly, without once doubting someone's motives, to enjoy the beginnings without worrying about the endings. 

  So on the day when I shuffle off this mortal coil, if I have my amazing daughter by my side, a beat up suitcase, a portfolio of work I'm proud of, a box of love letters, maybe a lover (or two or three!) then I'll consider my life a success.  Oh and if I've met Pitbull. Definitely have to do that one. 

  

Ode To My Tattoo

  When I announced that I was getting a tattoo last year - the response was mostly positive. Though a few people accused me of going through a mid-life crisis. I'm in my 40's - so fair enough I guess. And some had an even more visceral reaction - which was kind of funny considering it was my decision, my body and mine to live with forever.

    What some people saw as a sudden (uncharacteristic?) whim was in fact a really long journey for me. I first thought about getting a tattoo 20 years ago when a dear friend of mine got a tattoo on his chest. It was something deeply personal and spiritual for him. That started me thinking of a tattoo as something other than a mistake made after a drunken night's high jinks.

    About the same time I started my career as a massage therapist, so tattoos became a daily viewing pleasure, so to speak. Saw some really great tats, some really horrible ones, and ones that I knew were the result of the aforementioned drunken night's high jinks.

   Somewhere around year 10 of being a massage therapist I decided I wanted a tat. Not a drunken high jinks tat, but a well thought out, deeply personal and spiritual tattoo. So I started thinking about exactly what I wanted. And thinking... And thinking....

10 years later.... STILL THINKING!

    Okay the truth is I was one part chicken shit, and one part undecided about what I wanted. If I was going to have something permanently etched into my skin it had to be something memorable. Something I could look at in my 70's and still feel like I made a good decision. So with that in mind I ruled out
    - Betty Boop
    - A Chinese Character ( who knew what it really said?)
   - various quotes
   - a mermaid (Okay that one hasn't been totally ruled out - it might be the next one)

About a year ago I ran across a really cool graphic. A butterfly made out of the Cuban flag.

I can't totally explain why, but I liked it immediately. I kept looking at it, coming back to it. I even started to research the meaning of butterflies.

   It turns out that butterflies represent transformation, transition and even the soul in some cultures. It represents faith as we make these transformations in our life. Unquestioning faith that we will exit our cocoon of transformation better than we entered it. Faith that things will always work out for the best. That seemed like a perfect analogy for where I am at this point in my life. My daughter is about to leave for college. I'm about to change careers - leaving behind a business I've spent 20 years building. I'm about to hit a huge reset button on my life and the truth is I vacillate between nerve wracking excitement and paralyzing fear. Everything in my life is transforming. I'd love to have some of that butterfly mojo.

    I also realized the butterfly meant a lot for me personally; beyond the ascribed meaning. It's this fragile thing of beauty that can migrate 2,500 miles. That's kind of impressive when you think about it. That kind of strength is something I'd love to call forth within myself. They're also cold blooded and cannot survive in the cold, so they migrate to warmer climates - I relate to that!

  And the Cuban flag? Well that's been part of my own transformation in life. My "Cuban-ness" (Yeah I made that up!) wasn't something I ever gave a lot of thought to when I was younger or had any appreciation for. But about the time my daughter was born I discovered Buena Vista Social Club. The music spoke to me in a way that moved my soul. I realized I wanted my daughter to know that part of herself. So I began exploring that part of my culture. Over the years it's become more and more a part of my identity. Something that I've become fiercely proud of and a part of myself I want to keep learning about.

   So I posted that picture everywhere so I'd see it constantly. I thought maybe I'd get sick of it. But I didn't. Next came the search for the right Tat artist.

   That in itself is another story. But suffice it to say that the universe lead me to the most amazing artist and someone I was glad to have part of my journey. He was not only an incredibly talented artist but a truly fascinating person with a lovely spirit. He was exactly the person I would want as part of this spiritual journey. The other person along for the ride was my fabulous supportive daughter, River. I'm sure it crossed her mind that her mother was losing her's. But she never expressed it. She sat right by my side for the entire 2.5 hours it took to do. I'm not gonna lie, there were times it hurt - a lot. But kinda like having a baby - the minute it was done - the pain was totally forgotten. I loved it even more than I thought I would. It was so beautiful I wanted to cry. I couldn't stop looking at it.

  It's been 2 and a half months and I still smile every time I look at it. I wonder what it will look like when I'm 70, but I know one thing. I'm still going to love it.

                 

Musings on Marriage and other forms of Torture

Why is it that random strangers, or in my case - clients, seem to think it's perfectly acceptable to ask why I've never been married.    Am I George FREAKIN' Clooney?? Gah

I gave my client my standard smart ass answer,

"No I'm terribly claustrophobic!"

 That usually gets me a laugh and the subject gets dropped. But not this time.


This time my client smart assed right back and said, "I don't think that means what you think it means!"

"Claustrophobia: Fear of small confined spaces. Sounds like marriage to me!"

He laughed and then asked again, "WHY NOT?? WHY HAVE YOU NEVER?? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU LOSER??" Okay maybe I'm projecting on that last bit... but really it's the tone - The tone dammit!

But honestly why do people seem to think that it's weird that I've never been married?? Would I somehow be more successful if I had failed at marriage?

And they really freak out when I tell them that I have no interest in being married.

You'd think that I was Amy Farrah Fowler,

 "I find romantic love to be an unnecessary cultural construct that adds no value to human relationships." 

Oh wait... fuck... maybe I AM Amy Farrah Fowler. Cause seriously... whats the point?

I'm not against committed relationships... I've had a few. I love men... love sex with men. Neither of which required me to be married. Nor was marriage required for me to have and raise an absolutely amazing kid.

I've just never really seen the value of a piece of paper - either you mean it or you don't. Guys that mean it, don't need a piece of paper. Guys that don't mean it won't suddenly be faithful because of a piece of paper. So what's the point?

Which I guess makes me sound a bit cynical. But really I'm not.  I actually have great faith in men - which is why the paper just ever seemed like that big of a deal.

But the real truth is there have always been a dozen other things that seemed more important to me - things that seemed like they'd be a million miles away if I had someone else I had to take into consideration.

When my kid goes off to college I'm going to do the traveling I've always dreamed of, I'm going to be a beach bum for a while, or maybe work on a cruise ship.  Maybe I'll  finally have that acting career I've always wanted.

And the next time a client asks about my marital status I'll just tell him,

"I find MARRIAGE to be an unnecessary cultural construct that adds no value to human relationships"


Which is FUCKING hilarious considering the hours I've spent fighting for my gay friends to have marriage equality... but I guess the point is about giving them the choice... even if it's the choice not to be married.


Then they can field all the questions about why they aren't married. Cause I'm done answering them.

So John Edwards has been found not guilty on one count and mistrial on the other 4 counts. I have to say that I'm kind of relieved. Don't get me wrong, I think he's a lying dirty dog. I hate ... and I mean red hot lobster hate what he did to his wife. I'm completely disappointed in him as a politician and ...well as a human being.

That said.... 30 YEARS??? are we insane?? Cold blooded murderers don't get that sort of time. I think this whole case has been a huge waste of time and energy. Money that could have easily been used for something more useful. Take his legal license and be done with it.

  

Here's another one of my school essays. This essay was about learning to analyze an image, a video or a movie. I chose the most recent video released by Not On Our Watch about the situation in the Nuba Mountains.


Behind the Front Lines in the Nuba Mountains

            In July of 2011, southern Sudan seceded and the

 Republic of Southern Sudan came into being. But what should have ended the conflict between the two parts of Sudan instead was the catalyst for another round of genocide, much like that which occurred in Darfur. The president of Sudan, Omar al Bashir, has systematically tried to wipe out all non-Arab ethnic groups in the region. When South Sudan seceded his next target became the villagers of the Nuba Mountain region who had supported the creation of Southern Sudan. Using air bombings and rebel soldiers, he has driven the Nuba people out of their villages and into caves in the mountains. Not content to simply force them out and terrorize them, he has blocked all forms of International aid to the region. He has effectively doomed them to starvation and a slow painful death, should they survive the military actions. In protest for these attacks, the Republic of Southern Sudan has discontinued pumping oil which the North needs for its refineries.

The conflict between Sudan and Republic of South Sudan is not merely an isolated situation, with no impact on 1^st world nations. From a purely political standpoint the issue of oil and its availability is of great importance to all nations. The disruption of the Sudanese oil industry forces the Chinese government to seek out oil in the open market, thereby reducing the availability to the rest of the world. It has been postulated that the recent unexpected price increases at the gas pump are, in part, related to the situation in Sudan.

Beyond the pragmatic issue of oil, can we as a society stand by watching the annihilation of an entire group of people? What does that say about our culture and our so called humanity that we chose to look away as such atrocities occur?  What is happening in the Nuba Mountains is no less than the calculated genocide of an entire group of people by the government which should protect and aid them. Instead, their government has driven them from their  homes, isolated them in the mountains, forced them to live in caves and blocked the efforts of any international aid. The area is categorized by the Famine Early Warning Systems Network as being in stage 4 – just one phase short of a famine designation. And still, no outside aid is being allowed to enter the region.

 The organization Not On Our Watch has attempted to leverage the enormous fascination our society has with celebrities into a spotlight on international causes. In this particular video, actor and activist George Clooney visits the Nuba region to view the destruction and utter desolation that the citizens endure daily and in doing so, allows us to witness this horrific tragedy as it unfolds.

The video shows the stark reality of the daily struggle to survive for the Nuba Villagers. We get a glimpse of the caves they now call home as well as the visible marks of bombs which came too close for comfort. There are bombs which lie unexploded in the dirt, with only shrubbery and a chalk circle to warn of the potential danger.  The people speak in aching detail of the pain and fear they experience daily and their frustration with the seemingly endless situation.

The video is filled with many powerful moments which illustrate the plight of the villagers. Such as the young boy who has just lost both of his hands in a bombing raid. Another scene shows us a boy who has just had surgery in the most primitive of conditions. He stoically lies on a cot, refusing to cry as we are shown the bullet that was removed from his body. The viewer is left wondering what the future holds for these two young boys and how they will survive the seemingly insurmountable odds. 

There is one image which for me is the most powerful and makes me weep. It is that of a young woman whose body is scarred all over with what we now understand to be bullet wounds. As she sits there, it is so clear how hard her life has been, the pain and horror that she’s experienced is etched into her body with ragged angry scars. And yet, she sits there with so much dignity and strength. On her lap sits a beautiful young child – a child that is clearly loved and adored and I find myself wondering if he’ll survive. The content of this one image haunts me with the story it tells. This woman clearly fights to hold on to her dignity even when she seems to have so little; a simple dress, a simple necklace, a beautiful child and a quiet strength that leaves me in awe. 

The image of this amazing woman is framed by the caves which have become her home and sanctuary from the relentless bombing. It’s a tragic reminder of how small her world has become, how hard and unforgiving are the circumstances that surround her. Visually the image’s composition keeps you anchored in her reality: the caves, and the rocks she now calls home. She is centered in the shot, making her the focal point of this one moment in time, when she can speak of her frustration, anger and uncertainty. Pinned to her dress is some sort of red flower, but it’s almost impossible to look at the flower and not see the scars which cover her chest. Once again driving home the pain this woman has endured. Clooney, as her interviewer appears briefly in the corner of shot, but it’s clear that she and her story are the focus.

Behind her lies the darkness of the cave, perhaps a metaphor for the darkness which engulfs her life. Periodically a ray of light comes through, hopefully also a metaphor of better times to come. The primary texture of the scene comes from the hardness of the rock and it is a texture which represents so much. It is the hardness of the life they lead, the barren existence they now deal with; but perhaps also the determination these villagers share to survive and overcome the tyranny which has forced them to the caves.

The organization’s credibility, and by extension the video’s credibility, is established by various methods. The website for Not on Our Watch is packed with historical data and information describing the nature of the conflict between Sudan and South Sudan. It also supplies documentation showing their work with various world organizations such as Unicef and even meeting with President Barak Obama. The video continues to build on this credibility by briefly explaining the conflict as well as interviews with the victims and even rebel military leaders.  If there is possibly one flaw in the credibility of the video it is unfortunately the one thing which will likely bring the most viewers. That is the presence of George Clooney. Though he has been dedicated to the cause of the Sudanese people since 2007 there are those who would dismiss him as a dilettante. Perhaps in an effort to combat that perception, Clooney takes on the role of observer, asking questions and letting the visuals and the subjects make his case.

The emotional appeal, or pathos, is clearly present in the stories of the various victims of the bombings.  In image after image we are shown the unimaginable horrors these villagers experience daily.  It is difficult to imagine that anyone could see these images of human beings living in such abject conditions and not be moved. The tears of the young woman as she pleads her case will stay with me forever and I know that I will always wonder what became of her and her child.

The video’s primary goal is to raise awareness of this crisis and to hopefully move people to demand change. It does not seem to have a specific or defined political agenda beyond raising awareness. The logic of the video is simply that this is a crisis of humanity. We cannot look away or ignore it any longer and that something must be done. To that end, I believe that this video is extremely effective. It shows the world the horrific conditions which exist today and lays bare the inhumanity of the genocide which is occurring. It reminds us not to ask for whom the bell tolls, because as always, it tolls for us, for our brothers and sisters, and especially for a beautiful sad woman in a simple dress.

 So a good friend wanted to read some of what I wrote for Comp I and another who did read it, told me it was really good and I should "get it out there". Well she's one of my closest friends - so I'm not sure I totally buy that (j/k Donz!) But I figured I'd put this sadly unused blog to some good use and "get it out there". Here's one of the essays I wrote for Comp.

Academic Argumentative Essay: Marriage Equality

    When the Supreme Court of Massachusetts declared that, "the state failed to identify any constitutionally adequate reason to deny gay persons the right to marry." the battle for marriage equality began in earnest. Each side of the debate is equally passionate about their beliefs and their stand on the issue. 

    One one side, you have those who believe strongly that gay marriage has no place in this country. They believe that marriage is between a man and a woman, a biblical union designed for procreation and that belief takes precedence over all laws. Their point of view is best verbalized by presidential candidate, Rick Santorium, "I don't want to believe in an America where separation of Church and state is absolute." They believe that legalizing gay marriage will denigrate the sanctity of marriage, and lead to a slippery slope where immorality will become the rule of land. In the words of one right wing conservative, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, "if we allow men to marry men, people will then want to marry their toaster!"

    On the other side of the issue are those who believe with equal ferocity that religion should have no place in setting laws and that ultimately it is a civil rights issue. By denying some citizens the ability to marry the partner of their choice and enjoy all the encompassing rights and privileges that come with marriage; we are denying them their inalienable rights guaranteed in the constitution. I believe that time will ultimately prove them right, that the principles of our constitution will ultimately trump the religious beliefs of those that wish to block marriage equality. 

   The issue of gay marriage is ultimately an issue of fairness. The legal institution of marriage provides approximately 1,049 benefits and protections to married couples such as: 

• Being named guardian for an incapacitated spouse
• The rights of survivor benefits upon the death of a veteran spouse. 
• Numerous inheritance right, including priority in inheriting property of a spouse who dies without a will. 
• The right to 59 distinct federal tax deductions available to those  filing as married. 

   As it stand as this time committed gay and lesbian couples even those who have been together for decades, have no guarantee that their legal wishes will be honored in their death. The fact that a gay partner can be banned from being at the deathbed of their long time  partner because they are not "legally" wed is a travesty that this country must correct. 

   There are some that say that the majority of American's are against gay marriage and while that premise is highly questionable - so what if it is true? Do the rights and beliefs of the majority trump the rights of a minority? Our country is not only a Democracy but a constitutional Democracy. The result of that is that it is designed to express the will of the people and simultaneously protect the rights of minorities. Our ancestors fled to these shores for exactly that purpose. They came to have freedom of religion as well as freedom from the religion of others.  Historically, we have always balanced the will of the majority with the rights of the minority. Had we waited for the majority of Americans to believe in equality for African Americans this country would never have moved forward with dismantling the racist laws which existed. 

  

   The most commonly cited reason for being against gay marriage is religion. They believe that homosexuality is a sin. One of the strongest advocates for this line of thinking is Kirk Cameron, actor and evangelical advocate. In his words, "I believe that homosexuality is unnatural, it's detrimental ad ultimately destructive to so many of the foundations of civilizations. I believe that marriage was defined by God a long time ago as one man and one woman till death do you part. So no, I do not support gay marriage." Mr. Cameron's logic is flawed on so many levels. While an absolute genetic link has not yet been discovered many scientists  believe it will be proven to be genetic not "a choice." Furthermore homosexual behavior is commonly found in nature, among birds, mammals, and primates. It's hard to claim that a behavior is "unnatural" when it is practiced spontaneously by animals in the wild. 

   As to the claim that marriage was defined by God, that definition is not located in the Bible anywhere. In fact, most men in the Bible, particularly in the old Testament had more than one wife. Even more disturbingly, the Bible and Paul specifically, also advocate slavery and the subjugation of women, ideas which have long passed from favor i modern society. To hold fast to one antiquated belief system while simultaneously rejecting other, is not only hypocritical, but also blatantly biased and prejudiced. 

   The exact meaning of various passages can and will likely be debated for eternity, but ultimately that's irrelevant. Because as long as we live in a country that protects our freedom of and from religion we cannot legislate based on the religious principles of one group - even if that group is the majority. 

   Ultimately, all arguments against gay marriage fall apart in the face of one single fact. This country is based on protecting and preserving the inalienable rights of all it's citizens. Marriage equality is a civil rights issue. A segment of our population is being denied their civil rights, rights that a majority of Americans freely and happily enjoy and that cannot be allowed to continue.